Tag Archives: wife

Adventure Inspiration Positive Attitude Wisdom

Blackberry Wisdom on Friends

on Wednesday, October 26, 2022

I started a Live Series sharing content from my book Blackberry Wisdom. Each series will include 3 sessions. The first was on friends.

I wanted to share a few thoughts on friends. One aspect I always find interesting and a good conversation starter is on the five types of friends I believe we need in our life.

Adventurer

Artist

Encourager

Fun

Honest

I believe we become the sum of our 5 closest friends, so having a well rounded group of friends makes your life more robust.

Watch each of the sessions here:

Session 1 – Friends: 5 types of friends

Session 2 – Being the friend you want to have

Session 3 – choosing and becoming the best spouse

Bible Positive Attitude Wisdom

Brag on my Wife

on Monday, May 4, 2015

JohnCindy McCloudMtnDo you know who I can brag on the easiest? Me. I know all about me, and I know the great things that I have tried to do with my life. If you would just listen and see what a great guy I am you would agree as well.

Now in reality, the conversation above happens in my head at times – subconsciously of course. But in reality, I cherish myself more than anyone else. Or at least I appreciate myself more than anyone else – and so do you.

As a husband I should be consciously giving those same accolades to my wife. I really should not be bragging on me – I need to brag on her. I do so because I am to love her just as I love myself. I should not brag about me, but I certainly should her.

The Bible says: So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. Ephesians 5:28-30

So I should brag on her because she is a part of me. I need to nourish her with my words. I need her and others know that I cherish her.

I believe there are at least 6 different people that need to hear me bragging about my wife.

Her
The first and foremost place I need to brag on my wife is to her directly. She needs to hear the words of affirmation that I love her. I need to nourish her soul with positive words in private and in public. Like a plant needs water to keep it healthy, I need to water her with uplifting words directly from me.

Her family
Her family needs to hear me lifting her up and complimenting her. I made the mistake of chastising my wife in front of her parents the other day, and later I felt so bad. I had to go apologize to her that night. My negative words were bad for her and her parents – nobody was encouraged. Her family needs to see that I cherish the baby girl they raised into a woman.

Our Kids
I need to model lifting my wife up with my words in front of our kids. By doing this they see the correct model of a marriage. They also see that I honor her and respect her, and will expect the same attitude from them. As the leader of our family I also set the correct attitude of my family by lifting up my wife.

Friends
Our friends need to hear me brag on my wife. Not overly bragging, but positively giving her compliments. It steers our conversations in a positive direction, and encourages them to do so with their spouse.

Coworkers
My coworkers need to hear me brag on my wife for a couple of reasons. First when I brag on my wife I announce to other women I come in contact with that I am a taken man. Flirting and advances from other women quickly stops when I give positive light to my wife. The second reason is for me to be an encouragement to others in their marriage. I think we all have times that we could use some encouragement in our marriage.

Me
Of all the people who need positive reinforcement about how great my wife is – I am the one who needs hear it the most besides her. I am the one who sees her flaws – I smell her early morning breath, I hear her complaints about work, I see the struggles with family and friends, I know where she hurts and why. So there is no doubt that I need to focus on the great ways she cares for our kids, how humble she is, how giving she is, and that she really tries to respect me as her husband and the covenant of marriage that we made.
Shoot – if nothing else, she is the only one who has to put up with me! So kudos to Mrs. Grigsby!

So how are you bragging on your wife or husband? If you are not sure – ask them. Your spouse will be the first to tell you if your compliment bank is full or empty.

If it is empty; try setting down and making a list of the great things about your spouse on a sheet of paper. Then find a way to communicate each one of those positive attributes of your spouse.

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Wisdom

The woman to marry my son

on Tuesday, February 3, 2015

What kind of woman would I want my son to marry?

My son is a teenager, and I have had cause recently to think hard about what kind of woman I would like for him to marry.  I know I cannot pick his wife for him, but I think I would do a pretty good job if asked to.   However, I can point out positive characteristics and hope that he would want to see those in his potential wife.

Marriage vows silhouette_womanI think part of my job in raising him and helping him transition his affection to a wife is to point out the positive characteristics in his mom.  He will see those characteristics on a regular basis in our home, and he will base what a wife looks like by how she relates to me.  A fault of my son’s dad is he sometimes points out the negative aspects of his mom.  Shame on me, and it is time to correct myself going forward for the sake of my son.

These are four characteristics I would like to see in the woman my son marries:

Love Jesus

First I want him to pursue a woman that loves Jesus.  I would hope she has a growing relationship with Jesus, and their union would only enhance the way each of them serve Him.

Inspire him

I want his wife to inspire him to be a better man.  Not nag him to change, but encourage him to be a better man for his God, family, church and work.  Part of inspiring someone is the willingness to try new things, to get out and explore God’s creation and to look for creative ways to enjoy being with each other.

Submit to his leadership

A man is the head of the household.  Not a dictator or ruler, but the head.  This means he has to lead the family with wisdom.  When a man does that the wife should submit to that leadership.  The Bible clearly teaches this model and puts the burden on him to be right with God in leading his family.

Love him unconditionally

Our marriage vows agree – till death do us part.  For richer or for poorer, in sickness or in health.  We don’t have to necessarily like our spouse all the time, but we do have to love them.  Love does not depend on what we get in return, it is only in a position to give.  The love I am talking about is a verb – not a feeling.

These are the thoughts that come to my mind when thinking of his potential wife.  Of course to see what real love should look like we need to see what the creator of love intended it to be.

In 1 Corinthians 13 the Bible says that love is patient, kind, does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs.  Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth.  It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends.

Bible Positive Attitude Wisdom

When is a boy a man: Part 3

on Sunday, September 28, 2014

The first two posts on defining the qualities of a man can be found at these links:

1.  Accept RESPONSIBILITY for a Will to Obey

2. Accept RESPONSIBILITY for a Work to Do

Today’s post covers quality three of six.

Accept RESPONSIBILITY for a Woman to Love

MOM

Each of us have one thing in common in this world.  We each had a mom.  A woman who carried us for around nine months before we were born.  Through the process of caring for us when we had no way to do so, our mothers displayed an unconditional love for us.

No matter if we were calm or kicked a lot, she ate and slept for both of us.  Then we were born.

Most of us have a mom that also cared for us and loved us after we were born.  Here again she loved us no matter what we did because we came from her.  We are her flesh and blood!

I think we should always treat our mothers with respect.  I never want to embarrass or bring disgrace to my mom.  I never wanted to disappoint her either.  I know sometimes I did, and I always felt bad about it.

WIFE

Genesis 2:18-25

For unmarried young men I want that you and your potential wife (girlfriend) should not be unequally yoked.  Meaning it is best that a Christian date and marry another Christian.  There is a lot to be said about why, but let’s just leave it at that right now.

Your wife (or wife to be) should be an extension of how you treat your mother.  Treat your wife will only follow the patterns you established with your mother (respect, admiration, care and love).

The good part about what is different with a wife and a mother is the fact that the intimate relationship can now be sexual within the covenant of a marriage.  Yes, once we are married to our wife the pleasures God intended between a man and woman can be fully explored.  And those pleasures are wonderful – within a marriage of a man and a woman.

You should also be ready to change with her during the different seasons of life.  We will all grow older if we do not die first, so if we are still living we will grow old with our wife.  There will be seasons where things are going good and seasons when things are tough – and they may not balance out.  But you both will change as you grow older.  Just be ready for those changes and find new ways to love her.

A man should remember what he promised on his wedding day.

To Have and to Hold

For Better or for Worse

Whether Richer or Poorer

In Sickness and in Health

To Love and to Cherish

from that day forward until death does part you

 

 

 

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Bible Wisdom

How to find a “10” for a wife: 10 qualities of a good potential wife

on Monday, January 13, 2014

I had the opportunity to talk about dating and potential wives with my son and a man I consider a real good friend last week.  In preparation to talk with them I determined a list of qualities to look for in a potential wife.  We agreed this is a pretty good list of qualities a man should look for in a potential wife.

I believe if the girl you are dating and intend to marry encompasses these qualities, then you are on the right track.

Wedding band

1.  She shares your beliefs

She should understand the Biblical role of a husband and a wife and be willing to fulfill.

Your potential wife should have the same beliefs you have. Now, you may think you can do some missionary dating, and turn that situation around so she will believe everything you do.  You’re probably going to be very disappointed with some bad side effects.  You need to understand your core beliefs first, then be sure she shares them with you.  If you don’t have the same core beliefs….you will be unequally yoked – not a good scenario for either person.

2.  She loves you unconditionally

If she’s trying to change you to be another person, it’s time to move on. Your future wife should love you just as you are. There are certain core characteristics that must be avoided, and you should identify those before you become too involved in a relationship.

3.  She is trustworthy

Can you trust her with her time, money, secrets, and most importantly – your heart.

If you have trust issues in your relationship then I feel you are not ready to move forward with any commitment.  Trust can be destroyed and built back, but you both should be in agreement with how trustworthy you feel with each other.  Also, once trust has been broken it takes a long time to restore.  You may trust each other, but in the back of the mind the offense will linger.

4.  She has ambition

Does she set goals?  Does she work hard?

She should have strength in character and carry herself with confidence. She should be a hard worker just like you. That doesn’t mean having a job is a requirement. I know women who are a stay-at-home wife with kids, and they work just as hard as some people with careers.

5.  She is selfless

She should have a servant heart and giving of her time, talents and treasures

She should care about others. Look at the way she treats her family and her friends. If she’s not close with her family, and doesn’t have any good friends, that’s not a good sign. Watch how they treat a waiter/waitress – that tells you a lot about how somebody treats people down deep in their heart.  Does she care about causes? Does she volunteer? Does she give change to the needy or buy them a meal? These are important characteristics to consider.

6.  She is attractive

In your eyes, she should be downright attractive – I mean put together!   Personality plays into attractiveness as well. Just remember, “charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting.”  She should be beautiful down to her soul because that kind of beauty lasts forever.  Physical beauty will change with time.

7.  She is wise

Wisdom means to have good knowledge, and then to know what to do with it.

She should be wise, smart, and give you good advice. Her woman’s intuition should be strong. I look to my wife all the time for advice. She is financially smarter than me, and helps guide me where I am weak.

8.  She makes you a better man

Your potential wife should elevate you to new heights. She should inspire you to make yourself better so you can serve her.  You can get a good idea from your friends and family. What do they say about you when you are around her?

9.  She is modest

She should be modest in her dress, conduct and words.  I don’t want my wife advertising what others can’t buy.  It is good for a woman to believe her private body parts are to be seen only by her husband.

10.  She gets along with your family and friends

She shouldn’t be critical of the people who you love and have been trusted by you.  She should be a good fit with the people in your life, and approved by your family – mostly your mom and dad.  Marriage is a joining of two totally different lives that existed prior to your meeting, but will become one after you two join them.

Reference:
Joshua 24:15
Proverbs 12:4
Proverbs 31
Ephesians 5:22-28
 

I would be interested in hearing if you agree or have different ideas.  Shoot them to me if you please to john@johndgrigsby.com.