love - Blackberry Wisdom

What kind of woman would I want my son to marry?

My son is a teenager, and I have had cause recently to think hard about what kind of woman I would like for him to marry. I know I cannot pick his wife for him, but I think I would do a pretty good job if asked to. However, I can point out positive characteristics and hope that he would want to see those in his potential wife.

I think part of my job in raising him and helping him transition his affection to a wife is to point out the positive characteristics in his mom. He will see those characteristics on a regular basis in our home, and he will base what a wife looks like by how she relates to me. A fault of my son’s dad is he sometimes points out the negative aspects of his mom. Shame on me, and it is time to correct myself going forward for the sake of my son.

These are four characteristics I would like to see in the woman my son marries:

Love Jesus

First I want him to pursue a woman that loves Jesus. I would hope she has a growing relationship with Jesus, and their union would only enhance the way each of them serve Him.

Inspire him

I want his wife to inspire him to be a better man. Not nag him to change, but encourage him to be a better man for his God, family, church and work. Part of inspiring someone is the willingness to try new things, to get out and explore God’s creation and to look for creative ways to enjoy being with each other.

Submit to his leadership

A man is the head of the household. Not a dictator or ruler, but the head. This means he has to lead the family with wisdom. When a man does that the wife should submit to that leadership. The Bible clearly teaches this model and puts the burden on him to be right with God in leading his family.

Love him unconditionally

Our marriage vows agree – till death do us part. For richer or for poorer, in sickness or in health. We don’t have to necessarily like our spouse all the time, but we do have to love them. Love does not depend on what we get in return, it is only in a position to give. The love I am talking about is a verb – not a feeling.

These are the thoughts that come to my mind when thinking of his potential wife. Of course to see what real love should look like we need to see what the creator of love intended it to be.

In 1 Corinthians 13 the Bible says that love is patient, kind, does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs. Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

The first two posts on defining the qualities of a man can be found at these links:

1. Accept RESPONSIBILITY for a Will to Obey

2. Accept RESPONSIBILITY for a Work to Do

Today’s post covers quality three of six.

Accept RESPONSIBILITY for a Woman to Love

MOM

Each of us have one thing in common in this world. We each had a mom. A woman who carried us for around nine months before we were born. Through the process of caring for us when we had no way to do so, our mothers displayed an unconditional love for us.

No matter if we were calm or kicked a lot, she ate and slept for both of us. Then we were born.

Most of us have a mom that also cared for us and loved us after we were born. Here again she loved us no matter what we did because we came from her. We are her flesh and blood!

I think we should always treat our mothers with respect. I never want to embarrass or bring disgrace to my mom. I never wanted to disappoint her either. I know sometimes I did, and I always felt bad about it.

WIFE

Genesis 2:18-25

For unmarried young men I want that you and your potential wife (girlfriend) should not be unequally yoked. Meaning it is best that a Christian date and marry another Christian. There is a lot to be said about why, but let’s just leave it at that right now.

Your wife (or wife to be) should be an extension of how you treat your mother. Treat your wife will only follow the patterns you established with your mother (respect, admiration, care and love).

The good part about what is different with a wife and a mother is the fact that the intimate relationship can now be sexual within the covenant of a marriage. Yes, once we are married to our wife the pleasures God intended between a man and woman can be fully explored. And those pleasures are wonderful – within a marriage of a man and a woman.

You should also be ready to change with her during the different seasons of life. We will all grow older if we do not die first, so if we are still living we will grow old with our wife. There will be seasons where things are going good and seasons when things are tough – and they may not balance out. But you both will change as you grow older. Just be ready for those changes and find new ways to love her.